A Lost Love
by Jill122198
Summary: In the aftermath of a shocking death at Mckinley,surprising secrets about the victim herself come out. How will everyone react to the disaster that has hit them? Warning: Suicide committed by a character.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey there guys! So first off I'm sorry about my others stories but i just couldn't find a way to continue them. Second, this idea just came out of me the other day and I had to write it, I was a little hesitant to post it for a few reasons so I hope you enjoy it. Just another warning: There is a character that commits suicide in this story. Enjoy and please tell me what you think because I'm a little unsure right now. This is also set before "Goodbye" not an exact time period though, just before then. **

**I Don't own Glee. If I did then the finale would have been alot different **

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Her green eyes glistened with tears, they'd subsided for a while but the sobs just seemed to keep coming harsher and harsher. The only sound in the room was her harsh breathing, it was uneven and her chest throbbed with pain. It would only be a few short minutes now. She set the last of the letters down onto her bed and thought once more about her decision. Maybe it was selfish, but it was what she truly wanted and there was no other way around it. at least that was what she kept telling herself over and over. Slowly, she lifted the cold, metal weapon from the ground, feeling it heavy in her hands. One more breath -her very last one- and then a large bang! And she felt her eyes close forever.

Will Shuester was the first to hear the news. At first he felt numb, but as that subsided he was brought to his knees and could barely hold back the sobs. Tears began to fall silently from Emma's eyes too as she knelt down to comfort him. She wasn't sure how long they sat there in her office, just holding each other until finally the tears stopped. Such a sweet girl she had been; a sweet girl with a tough life.

Both of them knew what came next, though neither of them said anything. It would possibly be the hardest thing of their lives, possibly even harder than losing the young girl. No, Emma thought, losing her was defiantly harder than anything she'd ever experienced. The trip down the hall to the glee club seemed to take forever, yet it wasn't long enough. They both needed more time. But there was no time they could get back with her. Ever.

The couple walked into the choir room that day, eyes redder and puffier than any of the kids had ever seen them. Now and then the talk of graduation would bring a tear to everyone's eye but this was different. All of them could tell. No one said a single word, maybe they were too confused or maybe they were too terrified of what had happened. They had all already noticed someone else missing from the beloved choir room. But no one thought anything unusual of it. The teacher cleared his throat and stepped in front of the class, not letting go of his fiancé's hand. It seemed as if he would fall to the ground if he were to let go of it. it was the only thing holding him here right now.

"I, I don't even know how to tell you guys this," His voice shook as he talked. A few more tears fell from his eyes and the children held their breaths, "S-she's gone. Quinn Fabray killed herself last night."

Everyone felt like the air had been taken out of their lungs. There couldn't be anyway this was true

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hello guys! So I was very happy when i woke up to a bunch of story alerts/favorites. Thank you so much! This might be the last time i update before Monday because I'm gonna be gone all weekend. But I might update tonight and I will be writing over the weekend :) Don't forget to review!**

**I Don't Own Glee**

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"_S-She's gone. Quinn Fabray killed herself last night." _

The words echoed through the room, running through the kid's minds over and over again. _She's gone._ How? How did this happen? Quinn seemed so happy; she had no reason not to be. They were no longer the kids' people made fun of in the hallway, they'd finally won nationals. Things were just starting to look up for their sad glee club. And now she was gone, there was no way to get the girl back. That day of glee club was a blur for most of those kids. They held each other close and just cried. Even when the bell rang to go home, they stayed there just crying and remembering their friend.

But while everyone was comforting each other, there sat one person in the back of the room completely silent. Rachel Berry. The brunette sat by herself, trying to comprehend what had happened. None of it made sense to her. In Rachel's eyes Quinn had lived a perfect life. Quinn was someone that Rachel had always envied and when they became friends it had felt like the best, genuine thing in her life. The more and more she thought about the gorgeous blonde and how perfect she had truly been, the more she realized how real all of this was. It had only been 24 hours since she had seen Quinn, but that was only how long it had taken for her to disappear from Rachel's grasp.

Slowly, the glee kids lingered out of the choir room. Truthfully, none of them wanted to leave each other's sides after they realized how quickly a life could be taken. When Finn asked Rachel if she wanted him to come home with her, she politely declined and told him she needed to be by herself and just think for a while.

As Rachel arrived home she found a small envelope sitting on her porch. On the back there was her name written in a very familiar handwriting. _Quinn. _ There was no mistaking it, it had to be hers. But how was she leaving Rachel letters when she was….dead. Rachel pushed through the doors of her home and made sure that her dads were already gone to their business conference for the weekend. Once she knew she was alone the tears seemed to spill over until her chest felt heavy and her eyes grew tired from sobbing.

Taking a deep breath, she carefully slid one finger under the flap of the envelope she had picked up and opened it. At the same time, the phone began to ring. Rachel sighed desperately; all she wanted was to see this letter.

"Hello?" Rachel awnsered with an annoyed tone to her voice. She hoped it would mask the sound of hours of crying in her voice.

"Rachel?" It was Kurt, he too sounded like an emotional wreck. "I had to call you. Blaine and I came home and there was a letter on my porch. _A letter from Quinn." _ Rachel almost dropped the phone when she heard Kurt say it. So she wasn't the only one.

"Kurt, did you read it?"

"No, why?"

"I got one too. We're going to read ours together." Quickly Rachel scurried into the living room where she had left her letter and sat down on the couch, knowing she would need to sit down after this. "Ready? 1…2…3." The brunette finished opening her letter and rushed to read it, needing to feel closer to Quinn than ever. Little did she know, the shock of her life came from that letter.

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**Bit of a cliffhanger i know ;) tell me what you think please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Hi there! So I'm back from my vacation and I'm back with a new chapter. Again thank you to everyone for the nice reviews and story alerts! I don't have much to say... so here you go :) This chapter starts off with Quinn's letter to Rachel btw**

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_Rachel Berry, _

_I've come to write your letter last, only because I know it's going to be the hardest. I have no idea how to even start this letter. It pains me a lot, knowing that I've left you behind. Not just you I suppose but the whole glee club. You probably hate me for this. For leaving you. I can imagine you standing in the back of the choir as everyone hears the news of my death. In my heart I hope that you would cry and grieve for weeks upon weeks about me. But in my heart I know that all in all you were probably just very confused. I don't blame you if you hate me, Rachel. I even expected it. But you have to promise me that you won't always hate me. I want you to remember all the good times we had together, even the bad ones maybe. All I want is for you to remember me. Please, just please don't forget me Rachel. _

_You're probably wondering why your letter was the hardest of all of them for me to write. But I can only give you one, simple, irrational reason. Love. Yes, love. It seems to be the only thing that would hold me together most days. I, Quinn Fabray, am in love with you, Rachel Barbra Berry. Wow. Seeing the words on paper just makes it seem so unreal. Leaving you behind in this miserable world without telling you in person may be one of the worst, hardest things I have ever done. I'm so sorry Rachel. Please forgive me for not telling you. I just didn't know how. I guess it's too late now though. As I finish this letter I'm awaiting death. The more I write the longer I wait for the moment I die. So I guess this is good bye. I love you. Please remember me. _

_ Love, Quinn Fabray _

Rachel's mouth suddenly felt dry. She almost forgot about Kurt on the other line until he started yelling in her ear.

"Rachel! What did your letter say? Rachel!" Kurt sounded far away. Rachel could barely comprehend what he was saying.

"Kurt I have to go. I'll call you back later…" She hung up the phone with Kurt and for a while Rachel just stood there trying to make sense of everything she had just read.

Quinn fucking Fabray had been in love with her. Rachel couldn't help but think that it was some sick joke and that only brought her more discomfort along with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She thought back to all the times Quinn had betrayed her, insulted her, and even threw a few ice cold slushies in her face. Was it all just because she could never truly express her feelings? Rachel felt that she was a held a little responsible, which made her chest hurt with guilt. All the things Quinn had planned in life were gone, disappeared, vanished.

A new round of tears spilled over Rachel's eyes and slowly became desperate sobs. She wanted Quinn back; she wanted Quinn to be with her right now. To assure her that she wasn't gone and that she had never died. But that would never happen. She would never see Quinn again. All she had left was some lousy, confusing letter.

As the tears slowly stopped coming, Rachel began to wonder what would have happened if Quinn had ever professed her love to Rachel in person. She played the scene out in a few different ways in her mind until she realized something was missing. Rachel's awnser. In all the different scenarios Rachel couldn't seem to picture her own reaction. Would she have told Quinn she loved her back. No, that wouldn't happen. Rachel belonged with Finn. Her _fiancé._ But suddenly she felt like that was all wrong. It just had to be right though, she thought, there was no way she could be in love with Quinn Fabray.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Wow okay, I wasn't planning on updating again today but this just kinda came out. So why not? lol I obviously am not very busy today. Anyway enjoy**

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By Sunday, Rachel could no longer take the empty feel of her house anymore so she decided to take a drive over to Kurt's. As she began to get closer she remembered that Quinn's house had been directly across the street from Kurt's. Great, she thought to herself, that's just what I need right now. To be reminded about Quinn Fabray _again. _The more she drove the clearer the figures in front of her lover's home became. Boxes were stacked around a large truck. A moving truck. And the people at Quinn's house were movers.

Rachel pulled into Kurt's driveway quickly and climbed the steps, wanting to grab him and rush to Quinn's to see what was going on. She waited impatiently at the door, wondering what was taking Kurt so long to open the door. Finally, he showed up at the door with his hair sticking in every which way and his shirt on backwards.

"Wow there," Rachel joked, giggling for the first time since she had heard of Quinn's death. "Did I interrupt something?" She saw Blaine standing behind Kurt with the same messy hair and horny look in his eyes. Both boys blushed as Kurt invited Rachel inside and fixed his shirt so that it was in the right direction.

"You didn't even call, Rachel," Kurt said, sounding a little annoyed that she had obviously interrupted an intense make out session. "Plus you just _hung up_ on me on Friday. So what's so important?"

"This," Rachel whispered, sliding her letter from Quinn across the table, "this is what's so important." She waited silently as both of the boys read it, their faces blatantly showing how surprised they were. Blaine was the first one of them to speak.

"Wow, so Quinn was… in love with you? I never saw that coming," he remarked, looking genuinely bewildered. "How are you taking this, Rach? You look a little dizzy." Blaine was right, Rachel did feel dizzy. Her head was hurting from thinking about all of it so much.

"I really don't want to think about it too much," Rachel mumbled, "Maybe we should go across the street to tell Quinn's mom how sorry we are for her loss. It looks like she's moving or something." The boys agreed and the three of them walked over to Quinn's old house. When her mom saw them crossing the lawn, she rushed over to them and engulfed them all in a giant hug. Her face looked grave and tired, like she hadn't slept in days. Which was exactly how Rachel felt. All night she had spent tossing and turning, almost in fear of sleep. Because every time she closed her eyes she saw Quinn's face, haunting her. So she had given up sleep and just lay there all night.

"I just can't stand the thought of being in this house anymore. It hurts too much," Quinn's mom was saying, snapping Rachel out of her thoughts. "If any of you want anything that belonged to her, please, feel free to take it." She patted all of them on the back and walked over to one of the movers to talk to them. The three friends stood there for a few minutes until something caught Kurt's eye.

"Guys wait, come here!" He was practically sprinting across the yard to get to a box that a mover had just sat down. Blaine and Rachel casually strolled behind him and tried to get a closer look at the box Kurt was inspecting. As he moved out of their way Rachel was able to see what the box said on it. In the ever familiar hand writing- the same writing that was printed on Rachel's letter- was Rachel's name scrawled on it. Her eyes went wide and she felt dizzy once again. A box addressed to her? Before she could even think of what to do Kurt was lifting the box off the ground and prancing back across the street to his house. Blaine and Rachel exchanged a confused look, and then quickly followed the boy that seemed to have a plan.

Once they were all safely inside Kurt's house, the three of them gathered around the kitchen table to find the contents of the strange box. Kurt slowly took a knife and cut the tape from across the top of the box, then pulled back the flaps. Rachel took a deep breath and pulled a chair out, feeling the need to sit down before she passed out.

After Kurt was done opening the box, he pulled a piece of paper from the top of the box and silently read it to himself. Rachel and Blaine watched curiously, waiting for him to be done. As he finished reading the piece of paper his mouth fell open in shock. He checked inside the box and his mouth only fell open wider.

"Rachel," He started, "This box is filled with letters from Quinn. _To you. _One for each day of the year."

**You know the drill... Please review ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Just a few things I want to cover after reading reviews…If you're upset that Quinn died (I hate the thought of it too, but I like the idea for the story) don't worry because I will be having a lot of flashbacks with her in later chapters! And also from now on I will try to be making the chapters a little longer and I will be updating every Monday so that I have a week in between to write. Alright here we go :)**

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_"Rachel," He started, "This box is filled with letters from Quinn.__To you.__One for each day of the year."_

The three friends stared at each other incredulously for a long time, until the phone rang. Kurt went to awnser it and let out a huge sigh as he saw the caller ID. _Finn._ He'd forgotten all about the boy. He wondered to himself if Rachel had told him anything about Quinn. Probably not, Kurt thought. After a little more thought he finally awnsered Finn's call. Rachel and Blaine watched quietly as he murmured soft "mhmms" and "okays" into the receiver, his voice never leaving a whisper. A few moments passed before Kurt hung up the phone and turned around. His face was paler than before, if that was possible.

"W-we need to get out of here…now." No one asked and questions. Rachel knew that if Finn was to show up, then she would have to explain why she had been not talking to him all weekend. And that was something she defiantly did not want to do. Blaine carefully lifted the box of letter up from the kitchen table and followed Rachel and Kurt of the Hummel-Hudson house. The drive back to Rachel's house was silent for the most part, until Blaine spoke up asking the same question that was on Rachel's mind too.

"Kurt, sweetheart," Blaine's voice echoed through the stillness in the car, immediately capturing Kurt's attention. "What was in the note on the top of the box?" Rachel had wished she had asked, but honestly she didn't know If she could bare to know. What if it was something more shocking that Quinn's last letter? The only clue Kurt had given them was that there were more letters in the box. 365 letters; all for Rachel.

Kurt's face flushed at Blaine's question, like the last thing he wanted to do was tell the two of them what the note had said. Rachel rolled her eyes at her dramatic friend. "Kurt if you don't tell us what it said I'm just gonna look myself. It was addressed to me may I remind you," Rachel threatened and threw in a wink at Blaine. She was slowly beginning to feel like herself for the first time since she had heard the news of Quinn's death. Maybe it was because she still felt that Quinn was still there with the notes she had left behind for Rachel. Even if it did make her miss the girl more, she still felt closer to her than before.

"Fine!" Kurt squealed, throwing his hands up off the wheel in defeat. "You too are so persistent! If you must know, Rachel, it was a set of rules to the letters. I don't remember exactly what they said but feel free to look at them. It's in the backseat." Before Kurt could even finish his sentence, Rachel was already unbuckling her seat belt and climbing over Blaine into the backseat. Once she obtained the note from the top of the box, she sat down in her seat and began to leave the list of rules Quinn had left for the letters. Blaine began to slowly read over her shoulder along with her.

_Rachel, when you find this box of letters you have to know that there is a set of rules to go along with them. Please follow the rules below, the letters won't make sense without them. _

_1. When you get the box, read all letters up to the letter with the date of today_

_2. Once you are caught up with all the notes, read only one per day_

_3. Some of my notes will have special missions within them, please follow these tasks and the time I was alive will make much more sense_

_4. Most things will be explained within the first few letters._

_ xoxo Quinn Fabray_

Suddenly Rachel's mouth felt dry again and she felt dizzy. When she looked over at Blaine he had the same confused and suprised look she knew she must have been wearing. Before either one of them could say anything Kurt was parking the car in Rachel's driveway and trying to steady her as she climbed out of the car. She faintly heard him mumbling something under his breath, something that sounded a lot like "I told you not to read it". As soon as the two boys had set Rachel down gently on the couch, they began to fumble through Quinn's box, looking for the very first letter. Since they had a long way to go catching up to the letter with the current date, the split the letters up to May 15th up three ways and all began to read. After a few hours and tons of Quinn's notes later, they had all fallen asleep.

When Rachel woke up, one of the letter's was still in her hand and Kurt was snuggled up in Blaine's arms. She stretched a little and looked down at the note she still hadn't finished before she had fallen asleep, finding herself very unpleased when she saw the date. April 30th. Rachel had been the only one out of the three of them that had not finished her stack of Quinn's letters, and with good reason. Unlike the other two who only told her the important things Quinn had written, Rachel wanted to savior every last word in every last note.

So far Rachel had learned alot of things about Quinn, but none had seemed extremely important as to why she might have killed herself. All that Rachel had found out about Quinn's suicide was that she had been planning it all along, from the first letter she had ever written Rachel she had known that in about a year she was going to kill herself. The thought only hurt Rachel more and more, it was as if she had so much time to stop it but had never known what she had to stop. The night went on and on with Rachel trying to make it to the letter that had the current date on it. By the time she finished it was almost two in the morning. When she came to the last one of the night she nudged Kurt and Blaine who awoke groggily, still cuddled close to each other.

"W-what do you want, Rach...?" Kurt asked sleepily, while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "It's two in the morning!"

"The last letter, the one with today's date on it. I wanted to read it with you guys," Rachel told them, a yawn escaping her mouth. She hadn't even realized how tired she was until then.

"Alright, read it to us then," Blaine said, pulling Kurt back into his chest and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Rachel took a deep breath and did as she was told.

_May 15, 2011_

_Rachel- I have a mission for you. Right now I'm really tired and I've had a super long day. I hope you can understand. But something huge happened today. I can't tell you the story but I know who can. Santana. Yes, Santana. I want you to go to her as soon as possible and ask her what happened on this date. She is sure to tell you the whole story in great detail. I'll try to write more to you tomorrow but right now I don't know that I can. xoxo Quinn Fabray._

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**_Review pretty please!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Hello again! Let me start off by saying I'm sorry that I didn't update on Monday but I've been really busy with the last week of school! But now it's summer so I'll be sure to update every Monday. Also, I'm going to clear up some dates in the story just so no one is confused :) Ok Quinn killed herself on a Thursday night, everyone found out on Friday morning. Rachel also got her first letter from chapter 2/3 on the same Friday. Rachel then met up with Kurt on Saturday night and they all read the letters that night too. And now they're meeting up with Santana (this chapter) on a Sunday. I hope that clears things up :)**

**I don't own anything. Sorry for the long note. **

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After Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine had read Quinn's letter they all felt far too tired to be surprised about anything. But before any of them went to bed they made a plan, first thing in the morning they would take a trip to Santana to find out what had happened with her and Quinn. As Rachel began to doze off she thought about the things Santana could possibly know about Quinn. Quinn had seemed pretty upset in the letter, and Rachel had no doubt that it was something Santana had done. People didn't call her Satan for no reason. Falling asleep, the last thing Rachel saw in her mind was Quinn's face. Her beautiful face.

Kurt was the first to get up, and he began to make coffee right away knowing Rachel would be desperate for a cup as soon as she woke. He was right. She stumbled her way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Rachel began to mumble something but stopped mid-sentence as Kurt set the coffee cup down in front of her. Blaine slowly made his way from the couch and into the kitchen too, stopping to give Kurt a small kiss on the cheek. Suddenly Rachel began to feel uncomfortable. She could tell how in love Kurt and Blaine were, and how they never seemed to care who was around when they kissed. They always seemed to be in their own little world, solely wrapped in eachother. Rachel couldn't seem to pinpoint one time Finn had every made her feel like that.

"Alright!" Rachel squealed, trying to get them to pay attention as their kiss began to deepen. Both boys' heads snapped up, looking dazed and as if they'd forgotten she was there. "So we can all get dressed and then head over to Santana's. I'm gonna go take a shower." Rachel sauntered down the hall leaving the two behind. She stepped into the shower, feeling the hot water cascading around her and tried to relax. Rachel had been really stressed lately, even before she'd heard about Quinn's death. With everything about NYADA and graduation, Quinn had only added more stress onto Rachel. Soon she finished her shower and dressed quickly, running downstairs to meet the boys who were also ready to go.

As Kurt parked the car on Santana's street, Rachel immediately began to worry about everything that could go wrong. Should she have called Santana first? Was she going to get mad at Rachel for being here? As she knocked on the door, Rachel nervously played with Quinn's letter in her hand. She had no idea why she was so nervous, she had never been nervous around Santana before. Something inside herself told Rachel it was because it was involved with Quinn. Sometimes she still couldn't believe she was gone when she felt so close through her letters.

After a few moments of waiting Santana finally opened the door with a confused look on her face, Rachel Berry had never visited her at home before and she had always wished it would never happen. Santana saw the weird look on her frenemie's face and only became more confused. The last time Santana had seen Rachel she had been sitting in the back of the choir room after the news of Quinn's death, more silent than she had probably been in her entire life. Sure, Santana was warming up to the girl but that didn't mean she didn't get annoyed with her every once and a while. It just seemed annoying to her that after something as tragic as what had happened to Quinn, Rachel hadn't let out a peep let alone a few tears. Even Santana herself had broke down and cried at the loss of her friend.

"What do you want, Berry?" Santana asked, sounding annoyed.

"Can we come in?" Rachel said, ignoring Santana and motioning to Kurt and Blaine behind her. _What a joy,_ Santana thought to herself, _I'm spending my Sunday with these three. _She sighed desperatly and motioned for the three of them to come inside. They followed behind her and sat down quietly at the table, none of them saying a word to anyone.

"What do you want Rachel?" Santana repeated, getting annoyed with Rachel's lack of communication. Rachel bit her lip and then exchanged a strange glance with the boys on each side of her. Santana cleared her throat, trying to get their attention back to her.

"I need you to tell me what happened between you and Quinn on this date," Rachel hesitated and then slid the letter across the table at Santana. Rachel and the boys watched as Santana read it in silence and then they all saw something flash across the Latina's face. Shock.

"Oh boy."

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	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Hi there! So I was looking at reviews along with past chaptes and I'm really sorry about the cliffhangers. I will try to refrain from doing it too often :) Anyway I don't have much to say, so enjoy! Just as a clarification, the prom they talk about is prom season two, from Prom Queen. Sorry I had to reupload but I realized there were some errors, oppsie.**

**I don't own Glee.**

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"Oh boy." Santana stared down at the letter. "Where the hell did you get this?" She almost growled out, she was almost pissed that Quinn had left something to Rachel Berry when she died. Then she remembered. When no one awnsered her question Santana went back to the letter when she saw the date. _May 15__th__._ Something about that date stuck out in her mind, but she couldn't exactly place what it was. She was now positive it had something to do with Quinn Fabray though.

"It was in a box full of letters to me… from Quinn," Rachel finally awnsered Santana.

"Wait hold up, Fabray left you letters? How many?"

"365." Rachel then went on to explain the situation along with help from Blaine and Kurt. Santana had stopped listening though. She just kept replaying Quinn's letter in her mind. _I can't tell you the story but I know who can. Santana. _ Suddenly everything clicked in the cheerio's mind. May 15th! Everything rushed back to her.

"Berry! Shut up! I know what happened on May 15th, do you want to know or not?" Rachel nodded quickly and Santana took a breath, preparing to tell the story.

_-Flashback-_

It was about a week after prom when Quinn had shown up at Santana's door step. At first Santana had thought Quinn was still upset about losing prom queen to Kurt, but it wasn't that that she was upset about. She had come into Santana's house silently and just sat down on the couch without a word spoken to her friend. The Latina hadn't quite known what to say so she just sat there next to Quinn in silence. Somewhere around ten minutes had passed when Santana heard a slight sob next to her. As she looked at Quinn she realized the girl was crying.

"Q, what's wrong?" Santana whispered, moving closer to comfort her friend and wrap her arms around Quinn. As Santana spoke it only seemed to send Quinn over the edge more and she began to sob, her friend holding her as her body shook with her sobs.

"I-I have something to t-tell you," Quinn squeaked out in-between her sobs. Santana merely nodded and told the girl to go on. "I think…I think I'm in love…with Rachel Berry." Quinn could barely finish her sentence before she began to sob more.

Santana on the other hand had no idea what to do. Had Quinn really just confessed she was in love with Rachel? Miss Perfect-cheerio-straight A student Quinn Fabray was a lesbian. Santana had to keep herself from laughing out loud at the thought. Instead she brought Quinn closer and wondered how long she had kept this bottled up. She then realized why Quinn had come to her. They were both in the same position. Both of them were hiding their love with fear of who might judge them for it.

"How long have you been in love with Berry?" Santana questioned trying to hold back a smirk. She needed to know if Quinn was some love sick puppy or if it was just her way of coming out. A very strange way. To be honest, Santana had always thought Quinn had some lesbian tendencies.

"I don't really know," the blonde girl whispered "I think it's always something that's been here. I've just been too afraid to admit it to myself. But after prom I- I slapped her and I began to feel all these new things for her. Suddenly it felt wrong for either of us to be with Finn. I just, I don't know that there's any way I can tell Rachel about this."

Santana sat silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say to her friend. "Listen Quinn, I really don't know if I can give you great advice. I'm terrified of coming out of the closet with my love for Brittany. But I can tell you to follow your heart; it's the only thing that can make your decision for you."

After she said it, she felt a little remorse for not being able to give Quinn the advice she needed. Then before Santana knew what was happening, Quinn was leaning forward and capturing Santana's lips with hers. She was a little surprised at first but then kissed the girl back. Suddenly Quinn broke the kiss, much to Santana's displeasure. Before either of them could say anything, Quinn was rushing out of Santana's house as quickly as she had come.

_-End of Flashback-_

Rachel, Blaine and Kurt stared blankly back at Santana as she finished telling them her story. She gave them a moment to take it all in, knowing it was a lot. While she waited, Santana wondered to herself if Quinn had ever told Rachel about it before she died. She doubted it.

"So…she told _you _she loved me but she never told me," Santana could see a small glint of a tear forming in Rachel's eye. She could only imagine how she would feel if she were in Rachel's situation. Confused, angry, bitter, and sad. If anything, Rachel was the one taking Quinn's death the hardest.

"I'm sorry she never told you Rachel, but I don't think she ever knew how to tell you," Santana knew inside that it still didn't make it right.

"Did she um… ever say anything to you afterwards about the kiss?" Blaine asked shyly, and Santana could've sworn she saw a blush creeping up on Rachel's face.

"Sadly no. But that's okay because she was still a good kisser," The Latina looked over at Rachel who was even redder now , "Bet you wanna know, right Berry? Wanky."

"Alright Santana that's enough," Rachel said, a smile creeping up on her face. She began to pack up her things as Kurt and Blaine began to move towards the door. "I'll meet you guys in the car." Rachel said to the boys then turned to Santana. "Thank you for telling me Santana. I appreciate it a lot." Rachel wrapped her arms around the girl's waist and, feeling out of character, Santana hugged her back.

"You're welcome. Hey Berry… I mean Rachel, I'm really sorry about Quinn."  
"Thank you."

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**Review are appreciated! See you next Monday!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Hi guys, so sorry about leaving for two weeks but I became busier than I thought I would've been. But to make it up to you all, I'll be updating twice this week. Not sure how I feel about this chapter, I had a lot of trouble writing it, not sure why but hopefully you guys enjoy it. Thank you all again for the amazing reviews and for adding my story to your story alerts, it means so much to me that you all enjoy what I'm writing. :)**

**I don't own Glee**

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When Rachel woke up the next morning she was feeling slightly better. She had spent all night thinking about Quinn. In all honesty, she had no idea why she was so upset about Quinn never confessing her true feelings for her anyway. As she began to climb out of bed, she pushed all the thought of Quinn out of her mind. There was something very important she had to do today. Talk to Finn. She had been scared all weekend about how to explain this whole situation to her fiancé; afraid that he wouldn't understand why she thought all these letters were so important. Rachel still didn't fully know herself; all she knew was that she just couldn't stop thinking about it. Of course Santana's story had only made it worse. As soon as Rachel had finished showering, she heard the phone ringing and was a little displeased to see Kurt's name.

"Hello?" Rachel awnsered, trying to hide her displeasure. It was nothing against him; she just knew that he would want to tag along on her Finn adventure. But she had already asked Santana and Brittany for help, knowing they understood Quinn and her situation better. She didn't need a full entourage today, it only made her feel more pressured. Kurt soon began talking about how they should approach Finn but she cut him off. "I'm sorry Kurt but I think I need to do this alone." She hung up before he could begin to speak and try to change her mind. Rachel took one more deep breath before she stepped out of her house, ready for her mission ahead.

Rachel almost felt herself forget how to breath as she walked into school and saw Finn standing at his locker. As much as she wanted to talk to him, to run up to him and tell him how sorry she was they hadn't talked all weekend, she reminded herself she had promised Santana and Brittney they could help break the news. Every time Rachel thought about how Finn would react to it all, she seemed to get more nervous than ever and break out in a small sweat. Sure she hated leaving Finn out of it all weekend but she knew it was for the better and she just needed some space.

As Rachel began to walk the opposite way of Finn's locker down the halls of McKinley, something caught her eye. In a glass case at the end of the hall there were pictures of a strikingly beautiful girl. Rachel continued to stare at the pictures as she came closer until she realized who the gorgeous girl in the pictures was. Quinn. At the top of the case was a piece of paper that read: IN LOVING MEMORY OF QUINN FABRAY. Rachel felt a lump in her throat form and she knew she couldn't stand at the display any longer. She felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder and she spun around to find Santana standing there watching her cautiously.

"Rachel let's get you out of here," Santana murmured as she saw tears collecting in the brunette's eyes. The Latina led Rachel through the crowds in the hall into the empty bathroom. Once they were alone Rachel felt the tears spill over, no longer able to keep them inside. Surprisingly, Santana felt herself wrapping her arms around the broken girl and hugging her tightly. Once Rachel felt her tears subside, she pulled out of her friend's hug and leaned against the cold bathroom tiles. She sighed desperately, wishing the world would just stop spinning for a moment so she could gather her head.

"I really thought things would get easier. That I would be able to see a picture of her and be able to not break down. But I still feel myself break down at some points. Like all the air has been sucked out of me lungs and I-I... I just want her back." Rachel paused for a moment, without looking up at Santana's face. "You know I remember every single little detail of our last conversation. At first I didn't but I thought about it for a while. And now everything's clear. I remember exactly what she smelled like, what we were talking about, even what she was wearing. I don't think there was one piece of clothing that ever looked bad on Quinn Fabray." Rachel chuckled a little and then looked at Santana, who had a soft, understanding expression on her face. For a few long moments the air was filled with silence.

"Rachel," Santana spoke, capturing the girl's attention. "It will get easier, I promise. It's not easy for me either. She was my best friend. And I still wake up in the middle of the night remembering she isn't here anymore and I just feel like the air has been taken out my lungs. I know exactly how you feel. But all I know is that it will get easier. At least I hope so. I hope that one day we'll be able to remember the good things about her instead of being upset about her."

Rachel nodded slowly, understanding what Santana was saying completely. She knew that if she thought about any of it any longer she would start having an emotional breakdown, and Rachel defiantly didn't want Santana to see that. So after Rachel wiped the few tears that fell from her eyes away and began to make her back into the halls of McKinley, Santana following closely behind.

Throughout most of the day, Rachel sat silently overhearing conversations about how much people missed Quinn. Rachel hated every second of it. She had never seen any of them even speak a word to Quinn; they didn't know her like she did. They had no idea what really missing Quinn was like. It pained her every time she heard the girl's name in a conversation. There was a throbbing in her chest whenever someone asked her how she was dealing with it. And there was a little bit of remorse eating away at her every time she ignored Finn in the hallways. That was what Rachel tried to keep her mind most focused on though, how to tell Finn after Glee rehearsal.

Glee club practice was probably the hardest for her though. Because that was where everyone truly did miss her. It was where all of the Quinn memories were most clear. So that brought back the pain in her chest and the sting of tears in her eyes that could not be shed. She had sat in the back of the room the whole time with Santana and Brittany on one side of her and Kurt and Blaine on the other. As soon as the rehearsal ended Rachel felt like she couldn't have gotten out of there faster. Santana and Brittany followed slowly behind as she found Finn to tell him about everything.

"Hey," Rachel squeaked as she came upon Finn at his locker. She glanced over her shoulder to see her two friends waiting a few lockers down. "Will you come talk with me in the choir room?" Finn nodded, although he seemed confused at the situation. As soon as the four of them were inside Finn started asking a lot of questions but Rachel choose to ignore them. She didn't need more questions right now; all she wanted was to tell him what she was dealing with. They all positioned themselves at a table in the choir room; Rachel, Santana, Brittany sitting across from Finn. Rachel took one last deep breath and then dove into her story.

"Finn I just want you to listen while I tell you what's going on, I promise I'll awnser any of your questions afterwards," Rachel bit her lip, nervous. Then she just began to talk, the words seemed to come out a mile a minute. Everything unfolded and she was helped by Santana and Brittany adding in details she'd forgotten. She watched as her fiancé's face flicked back and forth from confusion, pain, and other emotions Rachel wasn't sure about. Finally she ended her tale and sat there and silence, waiting for Finn to say something as he took it all in.

"Rachel…" Finn started, "I know you miss Quinn, we all do. But you can't keep reading those letters. It's only going to hurt you. I won't let you."

"Hold Finnocence," Santana barked, coming to Rachel's aid. "Rachel could do whatever she wants. If she wants to read them she can, it's not up to you to decide. Maybe, you're just insecure because Quinn might have loved Rachel more than you ever can. "The room sat silenced from Santana's outburst. Rachel felt like a knife had been thrown in her chest at the thought that Quinn loved her more than anyone else.

"Is that how you feel too?" Finn turned to Rachel, getting angrier by the minute. Was that how she felt? She hadn't thought of the possibility until right now. Slowly, Rachel nodded her head and watched as Finn's face became red with anger. "Fine, have fun with your stupid letters than. I'm done. And don't come crying to me when you start feeling the pain that Quinn left you with." Finn stormed out of the room and Rachel felt her lip quiver and tears spilled out of her eyes once more. Brittany came up to her and took her in a big hug while Santana rubbed small circles on her back to calm her.

Once the tears stopped the three of them sat down with nothing left to say. Santana tried to apologize for her outburst but Rachel told her it wasn't her fault. Her eyes then fell on Brittany and Santana's locked hands and wondered silently if in a different scenario that would've been her and Quinn.

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**Review! I'll update later this week, maybe Thursday?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Hey guys! Happy Monday, which also means I have a new chapter for you all. Side note, if I started a CrissColfer story would you guys read it? Because I have this idea for one that won't leave me alone. Anyway, this is kind of a short chapter but I promise the next will be longer :**)

**I don't own Glee**

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Rachel finally stood up and exited the choir room, Brittany and Santana following silently behind her. They all said their goodbyes and Rachel began to walk towards her locker when she heard her name in a conversation between Puck and Finn. Finn seemed to be filling Puck in on everything Rachel had told him, yet he also seemed to be adding his own details into the story. He was telling Puck that Rachel wished she could have experimented with Quinn when she was alive.

Appalled, Rachel rushed down the hall away from two boys before she heard something else she didn't want to. How dare Finn say that, Rachel thought to herself, I never said anything about reciprocated feelings towards Quinn. But then she stopped, sure she hadn't said it, but what if that was what was hidden beneath the need for Quinn's presence. Maybe the reason Rachel needed to keep reading the letters and thinking of Quinn was because she was starting to find feelings she never had for the other girl. As strange as it might have been, and as much pain Quinn had put Rachel through, she had always wished her and Quinn could've been closer. Wished silently that one day they could be friend. And then just when they were on the peak of their friendship Quinn had disappeared. Pulling her out of her never ending thoughts, her cell phone began to ring and she saw Kurt's name lighting up her screen

"Hello? Listen Kurt, I just told Finn and it really didn't go well," Rachel bit her lip; it hadn't even gone close to well.

"Oh, I'm really sorry about that, Rachel. But that's not why I'm calling. I just got a letter from NYADA…I was hoping you got yours too and we could open them together," Kurt sounded incredibly nervous; Rachel knew how much this meant to him, how much it meant to both of them. She began to exit the school quickly, excited to see if her letter had arrived too.

"I'm on my way Kurt, I'll stop by my house and see if they sent mine and then I'll come over. Do not open it until I get there," She commanded as she began to drive home after her exhausting day. Thoughts of Finn and Quinn were swiftly replaced by the idea of NYADA and how one letter could change her life. Much like Quinn's had last week.

Rachel climbed the steps to Kurt's house to the door and saw through the open window that he was patiently waiting for her at his kitchen table. One last deep breath and she knocked on the door, ready for whatever was written inside the envelope in her hand. She silently prayed to god that both Kurt and her would get it in. It was their plan, and they couldn't have things ruined by one of them getting in but not the other. Even if Rachel had choked at her audition, Carman Tibidou had to have seen her miraculous talent at Nationals, right? And of course, Kurt was a shoe in since his audition had gone amazing. It was herself she was worried about, not her best friend.

As she positioned herself across from Kurt at his dining room table, Rachel became aware of how nervous she was inside. Kurt's face was plainly obvious of how unnerved he was. Rachel watched Kurt as he picked up his letter and slid one finger under the flap to open it; she mimicked his motion and they both pulled there letters out. As the letters unfolded they both read them to see where their futures lied. Rachel's mouth fell open in shock and she jumped out of her chair.

"I got in! Oh my god Kurt I got into NYADA!" She looked over at her best friend who was now standing out of his chair with a large smile on his face, "What does yours say?"

"I got in too!" Kurt exclaimed and Rachel threw herself into his arms. The two embraced, feeling as if they both didn't have a care in the world. "I-I have to call Blaine to tell him the news; he's gonna be so excited!" Kurt ran into the other room to grab the phone, leaving Rachel standing there with more joy than she could ever remember feeling. As soon as Blaine came over she decided she would leave the two lovebirds alone. As soon as she was home she opened Quinn's letter that was titled with today's date.

_Dear Rachel, _

_I have somebody that I want you to meet. Go to the following address and as for Leslie. Ask her about me, she's really been helping me a lot lately. I think that you're really like her, she reminds me a lot of you in some ways and maybe that's why I enjoy her company. Well anyone, I hope your day today was as good as mine was. _

_Love, _

_Quinn Fabray_

Before Rachel even knew what she was thinking, she was sprinting to the car and beginning to drive to the address Quinn had left her. She knew it was only a little ways away from Lima and she planned to get there before daylight was gone. Finn's words rang in her ears about how crazy she was. Maybe a small part inside her was telling her the same thing, but it didn't matter to Rachel. She had been accepted to the school of her dreams. There was no way she was going to let anything hold her back from whatever she wanted know. And that was exactly what she was going to do right now, she was going to find this Leslie girl and find out all about Quinn's past.

**Review! It always makes me super happy!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Hello once again, like I promised this chapter is longer than the past two :) I think this may have been my favorite to write so far...even though I had to rewrite most of it since my computer crashed in the middle of writing and it didn't get saved -_- But I think flashbacks with Quinn are slowly becoming my favorite to write! Enjoy!**

**I don't own Glee or the characters.**

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After a twenty minute drive, Rachel pulled into a parking lot that belonged to a bar. At least it seemed like a bar from the outside. As she emerged into the building she was overwhelmed to find it flooded with people. Most of the people around her were men ranging from 30 to 60, all of them fascinated by the main attraction of the bar. Rachel began to look around more, noticing that the place she had just stepped foot into was not in fact just a bar. It was a full on strip club. Sure it wasn't her first time in one of these places, but the one she had been to before at least had men stripping too. This one seemed to only have women on poles, dancing while men tried to grab and fondle them left and right.

Wondering to herself why Quinn had sent her to such a place, Rachel watched as a waitress passed by. The only thing Rachel could make out was her name tag, engraved with gold it held the name she was looking for. _Leslie. _Rachel followed silently behind the waitress, trying to think of how to introduce herself. She watched as the girl began to clear plates from a man who was fixated by the girls in front of him on poles. _How classy, _Rachel thought and rolled her eyes. She then proceeded to carefully tap the waitress on the shoulder to get her attention.

"Hi, I'm Rachel. Are you Leslie?" Rachel asked cautiously, peering over a man's head at the red headed waitress.

"Yes I am," Leslie replied looking a bit confused at Rachel's presence. "How can I help you?"

"Did you know a girl named Quinn Fabray?" Rachel watched as Leslie almost dropped the plate she was holding at the sound of Quinn's name.

"Umm...Can you give me a few minutes? My shift ends in 5 and then we can talk," Rachel nodded and then sat back down at a torn bar stool as she waited for Leslie.

Sure enough, 5 minutes later Leslie emerged from the kitchen with a distraught look on her face. She sat down at the bar next to Rachel and studied her face intently for a few minutes. Finally Rachel spoke up, easing the tension a bit off of both girls' shoulders. She asked Leslie once again how she knew Quinn, hoping to get to the bottom of things fast. A small grin spread across Leslie's face this time; as if she were remembering some joke Rachel wasn't quite a part of.

"Last year, Quinn came in here. I could tell she was upset; she looked like she had been crying. At first it didn't faze me because people come in here all the time looking for a way to escape from their sadness. For some reason people think a strip club is the way to do that," Leslie chuckled to herself and Rachel watched her with a slight smile on her face, "But then I looked at her. Really _looked _at her. Here was this girl who was crying and distraught and had come to an all girls strip club for who knows what. And yet she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen."

Rachel had to agree with Leslie on that one. Quinn Fabray was hands down one of the most gorgeous, perfect girls she had ever known. She intently looked at Leslie as the girl paused in her story, and she could have sworn she saw a tear form in Leslie's glittering blue eyes. After a deep breath, Leslie continued on with her story.

"From the moment I saw her, I knew I had to talk to her. I had to say something...anything! So I went up to her and began to make conversation."

_-Flashback-_

_"Hi I'm Leslie, can I get you something to drink?" A friendly waitress asked, catching Quinn's attention and causing her to look up from her phone. Self consciously, Quinn wiped the remainder of tears from her eyes and willed herself not to cry in front a stranger. A beautiful stranger none the less. This girl had the most piercing blue eyes Quinn had ever seen and her reddish brown hair fell in soft waves around her beautifully freckled face._

_"Umm...I'm Quinn," She replied stretching her hand out to shake Leslie's, "No drinks for me, thanks. I would like some fries or something though. I've been driving for hours and this was the only place open around here at this hour." With all the Rachel and Santana drama she had, Quinn had wanted to get out of Lima._

_"Well that explains why you came to an all girls strip club then," Leslie joked as she moved behind the bar to put in Quinn's order. Quinn spun around in her bar stool and was shocked at the scene in front of her. She had thought that this was just a bar, it hadn't seemed like a strip club from the outside. Unexpectedly, she felt a surge of arousal pool between her legs but then forced herself to think of something else. She shouldn't be turned on by these girls. That wasn't who she was; she was Quinn Fabray and she was straight. Even if she was questioning it lately. "Are you Lesbian?"_

_Quinn looked up shocked that this complete stranger was asking her such a personal question. What shocked her even more was that she didn't know how to answer the question. Sure if you had asked her before prom and her kiss with Santana she would have said no. But she had definitely felt something in that kiss. And it was something she had never found when she kissed Puck or Sam or even Finn. She looked back up at Leslie, who looked almost as shocked as Quinn was by her question._

_"I don't know," Quinn bit her lip as Leslie nodded at her slowly, "There's this girl. I mean for 17 years I've always thought I was straight. But then something changed in me, about her. I feel like I'm seeing her in a new light or something. I've known her for a few years, and I really just hated her. I never knew why though, she was just someone no one like so I thought 'I must not like her either'. But now things are different, she's not the same girl she was. I guess I'm not either..." Quinn trailed off, taken a back that she had actually shared such personal information with a waitress who probably didn't care. She was usually so guarded, but something about Leslie told her she could let down her guard even if it was only for a short amount of time. Leslie was silent for a minute but then came back around the bar and sat next to Quinn._

_"I know how you feel. Up until I was 15 I dated boys. But it only takes one girl for you to start questioning her sexuality," With the way Leslie was looking at her, Quinn was beginning to question her sexuality more and more. She wondered what it would be like to feel Leslie's body against hers, to feel her lips pressed to Quinn's. "Once you meet that girl, you feel like nothing was right with the boys. I hope things work out between you two."_

_Quinn was barely even paying attention to what Leslie was saying anymore. All she wanted to do was pounce forward and capture this girl's lips with hers. Finally, the instinct overpowered her and she leaned forward and forcefully kissed the redhead. At first, Leslie was a little taken back but then slowly melted into the kiss. The girls began to make out more and more aggressively before finally Leslie broke the kiss._

_"Why don't we go continue this somewhere more private?" Leslie suggested in a rough voice. Quinn only managed to nod and swiftly followed Leslie out of the club, leaving all her cares behind._

_-End Flashback-_

"You two slept together?" Rachel asked when Leslie ended her story.

"We did," She could tell Rachel was a little abashed, "Oh but it was totally not a one night stand. We dated for a few months; I was so in love with that girl. We would spend nights talking about anything and everything. I had never met someone like her, she was so unique and it was so hard for me to say goodbye to her. If it had been up to me we would've been together forever. But strangely she broke it off one random night, I never heard from her again after that. You seem like you know her pretty well, how is she?" Rachel gulped, trying to prepare herself for how to tell Leslie she was gone.

"She-She's dead. She committed suicide last week," Leslie's mouth dropped open wide and tears brimmed her eyes. "I'm so sorry. You really seemed like you loved her. I'm surprised I had never heard anything about you." Rachel took Leslie's hand in hers, trying to comfort her the way she wished someone had after she had heard of Quinn's death.

"We tried to keep it quiet. She didn't want to come out yet," Leslie squeaked as she wiped the tears away, "Wait a second, you're Rachel right? Rachel Berry?"

"Umm...Yes I am," She was a little bewildered when Leslie looked at her like a deer in headlights, "What? Did she talk about me a lot?"

"All the time! You were the girl she never stopped going on about. She told me everything about you. Quinn was in love with you. I remember being really jealous of you at first but then when she told me she didn't think things would work out. She told me she had no idea to admit she was in love with you. Did she ever tell you before she...killed herself?" Leslie muttered the last part, but all around seemed a little giddy to meet the girl Quinn had always told her about.

"That, my dear, is a really long story. One that includes how I managed to get here and talk to you," Rachel giggled a bit suddenly feeling light spirited and free. Leslie had a personality that definitely made her feel at ease. She now understood why Quinn had sent her here and why Quinn had loved this girl. Leslie was a really great person, "I would love to tell you, but I really have to get going. Maybe some other time? We could go get drinks?"

"That sounds perfect." And with that, Rachel began to exit the club with more and more knowledge and Quinn's past that she never new existed.

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**I'm actually pretty satisfied with this one. P.s What's up with the lack of reviews lately? I love hearing from you guys, even if it's a little constructive criticism. So please, don't refrain from telling me what you thought :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N Hi! So this is definitely my favorite chapter so far (And it's also the longest). Chapters from now on will probably be about this length now that we're getting farther in the story. The song in this chapter is "Haunted" by Kelly Clarkson, so if you haven't heard it I suggest you listen to it because it actually fits perfectly into Rachel's situation in this story. I took some of the words out because 1. In the actual show they cut parts of the song and 2. I didn't want it to get too annoying to read a whole song. **

**I don't own glee**

_She was running. What she was running from, Rachel wasn't sure. She just kept running, knowing whatever she was running from but she would be dead if it ever caught up to her. Maybe it wasn't even someone she was running from, maybe it was memories or thoughts but that didn't mean she didn't want them to catch up to her. Rachel's breathing was heavy and she was panting from how long she had been being chased. Suddenly she felt something take her feet out from under her and she was plummeting down to the ground. Rachel began to whimper, scared for what would happen next. She looked behind her; there was nothing. She looked to both of her sides to find that they were empty. But when she looked straight ahead she saw a figure coming towards her. As the person got closer Rachel was shocked to see Quinn. She was dead, right?_

_Imaginary Quinn began to laugh when she saw Rachel struggling to get up. She was stuck on the ground, unable to get up as if someone had glued her there. The harder Rachel tried to get up from the ground Quinn only laughed more as if Rachel's pain was the most amusing thing in the world. Finally, after a few minutes of Rachel's agony, Quinn stretched out her hand and pulled Rachel up in one swift move._

"_Oh how I've missed you Rachel," Quinn whispered as she stroked Rachel's face gently. The way she was smiling was angelic and spine tingling at the same time. "And that's exactly why I'm going to kill you so we never have to be apart."_

Rachel lurched out of bed, her breathing coming fast as she choked out large sobs in terror. _It was just a dream, it was just a dream_ she kept telling herself, _and Quinn isn't actually coming to kill you_. It took her a few minutes to regain her breath and become calm but eventually slow deep breathes helped her. Sure she had dreams about Quinn and nightmares of being killed but usually the two never crossed. Maybe it was more painful because Quinn had been the one doing the killing this time. Finally, Rachel forced herself to leave the warm depths of her bed and venture downstairs for breakfast.

Once she got downstairs, Rachel was in for a somewhat pleasant surprise. Her dads had decorated the whole dining room in "Congratulations!" decorations, and she immediately knew they must have found her NYADA she had left on the kitchen table. Rachel was always one for celebrating her never ending success but right now all she could think about was finding something to eat and eating it as fast as possible. Her dads rounded the corner with sparkly party hats on and immediately engulfed her in a large hug. Rachel could only laugh at how incredibly giddy they were first thing in the morning.

"Congratulations on your acceptance buttercup! We knew you would do it," Hiram Berry bragged proudly and he and Leroy began to go on and on more with how proud they were. As they kept talking, Rachel sat herself down at the table filled with food and silently took two pancakes from the stack and drowned them in syrup. Rachel was barely paying attention to the conversation anymore as she shoved the food into her hungry mouth but her dad was now asking her a question. "So where were you last night, sweetie? You didn't get home until 11, were you with Finn again?"

The conversation with Leslie rushed back to Rachel's mind and she almost choked on her pancake. She had really like Leslie, just like Quinn in her letter had predicted. Rachel wouldn't have admitted it to anyone but she couldn't wait to see Leslie again. They'd exchanged numbers right before Rachel had left so that they could meet again soon. Leslie had been incredibly beautiful with the most gorgeous auburn hair and blue eyes. Rachel remembered how even though they had just met, Leslie made Rachel feel welcome and as if they had been friends forever. Everything just had seemed easier when she was with Leslie last night.

"Oh no, I was with Kurt. We were celebrating, since he got into NYADA too," Rachel lied and hoped that her fathers wouldn't call her out on her bluff. The last thing she needed was for one of them to make fun of her for possibly feeling a little attracted to this new girl. Was that even what she was feeling? Leslie was great and she had enjoyed the company and someone who finally understood her feelings about Quinn. But was it really a crush she was nursing, or just a need to go deeper into Quinn's past to better understand her. Whatever it was, she longed to see the girl again. After about 10 more minutes of breakfast, Rachel looked down at her watch and saw that she should get going on her way to school, "I've got to go, I'll see you guys after school!"

Rachel's whole day at school was boring, as always. She was barely paying attention since she really didn't see the need with it being the last week of school. _Wow, _Rachel thought, _my last week at McKinley. _Part of her was incredibly sad to be leaving her high school years behind but then she remembers where she was heading. New York. She was going to be accomplishing so much in the next few years and with her best friend by her side. As Rachel began to make her way down to Glee club rehearsal for the day she felt her phone vibrate and felt a smile stretch across her face when she saw the text from Leslie.

**Leslie: Hey I was thinking maybe we could go get drinks later? Is seven good for you? :)**

**Rachel: That sounds great for me…where?**

**Leslie: How about that bar over on 42nd street?**

**Rachel: Sure! Can't wait :)**

Now that Rachel had something to look forward to tonight, she could barely contain her enthusiasm during Glee. But then she remembered she had asked Mr. Schuster if she could sing a song in honor of Quinn. It had sounded like a good idea at the time when she had asked him, but now as she walked into the choir room and saw Finn's scowling face she didn't know how well this was going to go over. Usually she would have taken the empty seat next to Finn but she had to remind herself that things had changed. He didn't want her anymore. Or maybe it was her that didn't want him. Either way, she definitely felt more comfortable in the seat in between Kurt and Santana. After a few minutes of useless chatter, entered the choir room and told Rachel it was her turn to sing. Rachel usually wasn't a person with a fear of offending people but right now the last thing she needed was Finn getting angrier at her. She prayed silently that hopefully he wouldn't get too mad. The music played from behind her and she immediately lost her temporary stage fright and began to sing in honor of Quinn.

_Louder, louder the voices in my head_

_Whispers taunting, all the things you said_

_Faster the days go by and I'm still_

_Stuck in this moment wanting you here_

_Time, in the blink of an eye_

_You held my hand, you held me tight_

As soon as Rachel had come home from her meeting with Leslie she had begun research on what song she could have sang in Quinn's honor for this week's glee assignment. After the weekend, everyone had calmed down from the buzz of Quinn's death the previous Friday and had decided that this week they would spend honoring Quinn as well as finding a way to say goodbye to both her and each other. Although, Rachel had focused more on the saying goodbye to Quinn than the other people in the room.

_Now you're gone and I'm still crying_

_Shocked, broken, I'm dying inside_

_Where are you?_

_I need you_

_Don't leave me, here on my own_

_Speak to me, be near me_

_I can't survive unless I know you're with me_

Rachel looked around at the familiar faces in the choir room as her words of the song echoed off the walls. Most of her friends were visibly sad, while others were trying to hide their pain but it was easy for Rachel to tell. And then there was Finn. He had a sour look on his face as if she was making out with someone else right in front of him. The more and more annoyed the boy became the more Rachel began to wonder if he even cared that Quinn was dead at all. This wasn't about them right now, it was about remember Quinn and Finn was doing a lousy job of it.

_Shadows linger, only to my eyes_

_They took, they broke, they tore out your heart_

_I miss you, you hurt me, you left with a smile_

_Mistaken you sadness was hiding inside_

_Now all that's left are the pieces to find_

_The mystery you kept, the soul behind the guise_

Somewhere in the middle of the verse, Rachel lost her cool and felt tears begin to come down her cheeks. As she looked around she saw that some of the other glee clubber's eyes were wet with tears too. She hadn't expected to get so emotional, but images of Quinn's face flashed through her mind and her heart began to ache terribly. Santana was now clutching Brittany's hand tightly as she too remembeed their friend. As hard as everything was for Rachel, Santana was going through a lot too. Quinn, her and Brittany were the unholy trinity and she had never thought something like this would be the thing to tear them apart. It made her long for Quinn to be back as she felt a tear drip down her face.

_Where are you?_

_I need you_

_Don't leave me, here on my own_

_Speak to me, be near me_

_I can't survive unless I know you're with me_

_Where are you?_

_Where are you?_

As Rachel finished her song her audience stood up to give her a standing ovation. Except Finn. But she pretended not to notice and reminded herself that every great artist has their critics. After the applause died down, Rachel wiped the remainder of tears from her cheeks and forced a smile to her peers. The bell rang, signaling the end of school and Rachel took one final bow before grabbing her back and beginning to leave the choir room. As she was exiting she felt a hand on her arm spinning her around and was displeased to see Finn standing behind her.

"Can I talk to you?" He whispered in a low voice as if he was afraid of others hearing him

"Not if you're going to give me a lecture on my song choice. I already sensed how much you hated it by that terrible look on your face," Rachel said, feeling a sting of more warm tears come to her eyes at the pain she was feeling. She forced herself not to cry and swallowed hard.

"Not about that. Something else. Please?" Finn asked her, his eyes pleading for her to say yes. She sighed, feeling like she would end up losing anyone and this was definitely not one fight she wanted to have right now. Slowly, Rachel nodded and then followed Finn into an empty class room to talk. Finn began to pace back and forth for a few minutes, which left Rachel wishing he would hurry up and spit it out so that she could get home to prepare for seeing Leslie tonight. Rachel began to tap her foot impatiently and then flinched a little when Finn came to an immediate, sharp stop from his pacing. "I don't know how to tell you this. Or even why I'm telling you this to be honest. But...I'm joining the army."

Rachel stared at him for a long minute, trying to take in what he was telling her. The army? Was he insane? Or did he just want to leave her with more pain on top of Quinn? She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes, wondering what in the world had possessed him to do this and she sure hoped it wasn't to prove some stupid point to her. The tears from moments earlier came back to her eyes even though she didn't quite know why. Sure, Rachel sort of still cared about Finn but she didn't want to anymore. He'd hurt her too many times in the past and their conversation on Monday was just one more heartache to add to the list. And now here he was hurting her again, even if that wasn't his intention. He was staring at her when she finally opened her eyes, waiting for her response. Rachel wasn't even sure how to come up with a response so instead she just shook her head. All she knew was that she had to get out of here before she started crying in front of him. So without another word or thought or gesture, Rachel gathered her stuff and left a dumbfounded Finn behind.

After hours of getting ready- and a few tears shredded thanks to Finn- Rachel was saying goodbye to her dads and heading out to meet Leslie. Of course, she told her dads she was just going over to Finn's but they really didn't need to know the truth. Why she hadn't told them about Leslie yet, Rachel wasn't quite sure. She had told them about Quinn's suicide but not about the letters. Rachel figured they didn't need to worry about her anymore than they already might be. As she climbed into her car and began to drive, she tried to remind herself to not worry about Finn. He wasn't her boyfriend anymore, so she couldn't control him and she certainly didn't want to. It was just felt to her that with Finn leaving for the army she was losing every part of her high school years. Without Finn and Quinn in her life she probably would still have been the dorky girl in glee club that no one paid any attention too. Finn had showed her she was more than that. And Quinn, well Quinn and her had become good friends which made Rachel feel just a tiny bit higher on the social latter of high school. But now high school was ending and all her ties with it were gone. Sure, she would stay in contact with the glee club and Kurt was moving to New York with her, but everyone else would be scattered in a few months possibly without ever hearing from them again.

Rachel pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant/bar that Leslie had suggested and looked over herself in the car mirror one last time. She knew that Leslie was aware Rachel wasn't over 21, and it hadn't seemed like Leslie was either, so she was a tad surprised that the girl had asked her for drinks. Maybe it was a good way to get to know each other without it having seemed too much like a date. Rachel was still a bit unclear about if it was or not but either way she was going to have a good time just her and Leslie. As she entered through the glass doors, she saw Leslie immediately at the bar with a happy smile on her face. Rachel was a little taken aback when Leslie greeted her with a hug, but then took the opportunity graciously to hug the beautiful girl. Leslie was at least a few inches taller than Rachel (as most people were) but Rachel really didn't mind in the slightest bit. As the two separated from the hug, Rachel took a minute to take in what Leslie was wearing. She was wearing a black sequined top that hugged over her curved perfectly paired with tight grey skinny jeans that looked to Rachel as if they were painted on they were so tight. Rachel also couldn't help but stare at how amazing Leslie's ass looked in the pants. Self consciously, Rachel looked down at her green and black mini dressed and couldn't help but feel boring in comparison to the incredibly hot girl in front of her.

"Hey," Leslie spoke up, sensing Rachel's discomfort in what she was wearing, "You look beautiful." Rachel felt a blush creep up on her cheeks at the compliment, and watched as Leslie reached over for Rachel's hand. Trying to keep her breathing steady, she acted as if it was no big deal and smiled fondly back at Leslie. They began to talk more and more, laughing and sharing stories about everything under the sun. By the time the night came to a close, Rachel felt definitely buzzed and knew there was no way she could drive home drunk. She couldn't call her dads since they didn't know she was out drinking and they were probably both asleep by now. Even though they weren't full on drunk, they had enough liquor in their systems that it wouldn't have been very safe to drive. Leslie had been smart out of the two and had ridden a cab on the way over so she wouldn't have a car to deal with. Rachel mentally slapped herself for not being as smart.

"Do you want me to call someone to drive your car home for you?" Leslie asked biting her lip and feeling sorry for the Rachel's situation.

"Nah, it's alright. I'll just call one of my friends to take me home," Rachel paused as she saw Leslie's taxi pull up. "I had a really great time tonight hanging out with you. Maybe we could do it again sometime?" Leslie pretty much squealed with delight at the idea and gave Rachel another big hug before finally exiting into her taxi. Rachel watched as Leslie drove away waving goodbye from the backseat. Once she was out of sight, Rachel pulled out her phone and called Kurt's cell phone.

"Hello? Rachel why are you calling me? It's almost midnight," Rachel felt a little bit of remorse for calling him so late but could tell from his voice that he hadn't been asleep. She knew very well that Burt and Carole always stayed out late on Tuesdays on various meetings for the city council. So every Tuesday Blaine would come over to the late hours and then end up sleeping there as well. It didn't bother Burt and Carole but it had bothered Rachel and Finn to hear the two of them moaning and groaning all night long.

"Can you and Blaine come pick me up? I had too much to drink and now I have my car and no way home," Rachel felt a tad bit embarrassed for asking much of him but knew that he didn't mind as much as he wanted her to think he did. Within ten minutes Rachel saw Kurt's car pull up and saw the two boys emerge from the front seat. Blaine had decided to be the one to drive Rachel's car home for her, so Rachel climbed willingly into the front seat of Kurt's car next to her best friend. She wasn't even in the car for a minute before Kurt started bombarding her with questions._ Who was she with? Why was she out so late? Was it her new boyfriend?_

"It was a girl," Rachel started catching Kurt a little off guard, "She was Quinn's girlfriend last year. I met her because Quinn told me to meet her in one of the letters. So we started talking yesterday and then this morning she asked if I wanted to go get drinks with her. Her names Leslie and she's absolutely gorgeous. She had this amazing reddish brown hair that makes me just want to run my hands through it all the time. And her eyes, _Oh my god her eyes, _they're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Rachel was cut off by Kurt's immediate laughter.

"Wow," He said, chuckling, "So you really must like this girl. Didn't take you very long to bounce back from Finn. So you had fun on this date I presume?"

"Well, it really wasn't a date," Rachel bit her lip, "I mean, she never said it was a date and I didn't want to scare her off by calling it a date."

"Does she act like she likes you?" Kurt asked and Rachel nodded. Leslie had been the one to reach for Rachel's hand and initiate both hugs. "Then go for it! Ask her out! You never know if you don't try!" Rachel had to agree with Kurt on that one. What could it hurt to ask Leslie out on a date? And she had the perfect thing in mind! The annual Lima fair had just opened for the summer and it was the perfect place for a first date. Kurt finally dropped Rachel off at her house and Blaine pulled her car into the drive way. She thanked both of them and quickly ran inside- quietly to not wake her dads- and dialed Leslie's cell phone to ask her out. Sure it was a little late, but Rachel knew well that Leslie would be up.

"Hello?" Leslie had awnsered on the second ring. Even though they'd been apart for 30 minutes, Rachel felt a surge of butterflies run through her stomach at the girl's voice.

"Hi, it's Rachel."

"Hi Rachel," she could practically hear the smile in Leslie's voice when she said her name, "What's up?"

"I was just…um... I was wondering if maybe you would want to go to the fair with me tomorrow? It just opened yesterday and it sounds like a lot of fun so I wanted to bring a friend and I also want to be able to get to know you better," Rachel could feel herself start to nervously ramble but it seemed as if her mouth wouldn't stop.

"Rachel," Leslie finally said, cutting her off and sounded amused at the brunette, "Is this your way of asking me out on a date?"

"I think it is." Rachel had defiantly felt something between her and Leslie. And it took her mind off her troubles for a while. So what if she going out on a sort of date with a girl? She could date whoever she wanted.

"In that case," Leslie retorted, "I would love to. Why don't I pick you up at 4 tomorrow?" Rachel felt her insides become all warm and fuzzy at the fact that she would now get to spend the day with this amazing girl she had been harboring a bit of a crush on. They finished the call and Rachel told Leslie she would text her the address to pick her up at. As she got into bed Rachel sighed happily. _Yes, _she thought, _things were definitely beginning to look up for her._

**A/N Again the song was called Haunted by Kelly Clarkson. The next chapter will be their date :) Reviews are always immensely appreciated ! Alright bye until next Monday xoxo**_  
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